I’ve had some rather trying experiences lately in my love/hate relationship with computers. A few months ago my computer self-destructed, and then I was using an old 
one that I had as a back-up. When that showed signs of the same impending fate, I knew it was time to get a new one. I always do so in fear and trembling, because it is such a tedious and often frustrating task to set up a new computer and load it with the necessary programs, internet connection, and all that.
I unexpectedly woke up way too early the day after I got it, and since I couldn’t return to sleep I thought I might use some time in the wee hours to get the new machine set up. I had to download an e-mail program (the new version of Windows doesn’t come with one, like all the others did, so you have to get one elsewhere if you want one loaded into your computer). So I started downloading one with my sloooow and fragile dial-up connection. It disconnected at least twice in the process, so in the end it took several hours just to download and set up one program.
More programs were added, and I wasn’t sure if some of the old ones would be compatible with the new operating system, but usually if that’s the case there will be an error message saying so. There wasn’t. I loaded one program (camera software) very smoothly and all I had to do was restart and everything would be fine. That’s when the fireworks began. The computer forgot how to start itself and began to wring its hands (or the electronic equivalent), telling me it will try to repair itself but it just doesn’t know. Well, it eventually did, doing (without asking me) a system recovery that restored all settings to the original factory ones, which means the program I spent half the morning downloading had disappeared for good, along with all the other changes I had made in the setup process. (I decided not to re-try the camera software.)
I won’t describe everything that happened that day, but there was one other notable incident (I was trying to find God’s will in this, and praying psalm verses like, “I trusted, even when most I bewailed my unhappy lot”). I had just bought a printer a few weeks beforehand, when my other one gave up the ghost (when it rains, it pours), and I was hoping that that too would be compatible with the new computer. It wasn’t. It refused to let me do the installation. OK, let’s check for an updated version online, thought I. Sure enough, there it was, just what I needed, but: 115MB in size, which means about a 12-hour download with my dinosaur connection. No dice. So I went back to the store, thinking they must have updated software for their new computers. They didn’t. But they graciously offered to download it there and burn it on a disk for me. Come back in an hour or so, the man said. Since I had a dentist appointment (bad gums, three cracked teeth, needing at least one crown very soon, but that’s another story), I thought, good, by time I’m done, I’ll go back and pick up the disk, which will be ready by then. It wasn’t. I asked for the fellow who promised it to me. He just left for the day. No disk set aside, but hey, he was really busy and probably forgot. The assistant manager gave me some attitude like, what does your problem have to do with me? But one fellow volunteered: If you’ll wait another hour we’ll do it now.
OK, I thought, there must be some heavy spiritual warfare going on behind the scenes for someone entrusted to my prayers. Days don’t start at 12:30AM and have everything go wrong in them without a reason. I was quite frazzled by now, hungry, tired, and sick of the whole business. So I wandered around, went to the gas station, ate a protein bar, and looked at my watch a lot. Finally I walked in, probably looking like I meant business, and the fellow said: “It’s just finishing now!” But then he wandered off and started working with another customer as another quarter hour passed. Finally I got the stupid disk and went home. As a consolation prize, the thing did work and I was able to set up the printer.
So I thought to myself: it has been a horrible and exhausting and frustrating day, but at the end of the day, what’s the result? I did in fact have a new computer, I did manage to set up the printer, load most of the programs, and connect to the internet and set up my browser and e-mail. Perhaps what we need to look at is how things turn out in the end, and not so much what it took to get there.
That was going to be the end of this post, with a little spiritual reflection. But the story, unfortunately, was not over so easily. A couple days later I got a creepy message during startup, like, “We’re checking your file system. One of your disks needs to be checked for consistency” (whatever that means; I later found out that even the techs at the store never heard that one). So it went through a long check of files, indexes, and some sort of security thing (I think my computer is spying on me). Well, I thought, maybe this is just some standard sort of test. It wasn’t. A couple days later the screen came up again. But this time it didn’t do the check. It just sat there, stuck. I shut it down and tried again. Same thing. I ran the diagnostics. No help there. I did a system restore, and it loaded properly. Once. Then the ominous screen again. (I forgot to mention how earnestly I was praying the whole time, hoping the Great Heavenly Computer Repairman would intervene and spare me the loss of so much time and effort. He didn’t.) I got the system back to its factory settings and went out the door.
Back to the store, computer in hand. I guess I had the same look on my face as the last time, because they didn’t even ask why I wanted to return it and didn’t even look in the box to see if a computer was in there. I went back and let the salesman talk me into a different model, actually a better deal, though inferior on some points to the other one (though it was vastly superior on one point: it worked). So, back home, starting all over, setting the thing up, loading the programs, doing huge anti-virus updates, etc, losing another whole day, gaining many gray hairs and such a buildup of nervous energy that anyone who touched me probably would have been electrocuted.
At the end of the day, however, I did have a new computer, and it was mostly loaded and almost ready to go. And a few days into its (hopefully very long) life, it still is working.
I haven’t quite recovered from it all, and I’m taking painkillers for my dental work, and I still have no idea what God means by all this, unless it was all to form me into constantly saying, “I trusted, even when most I bewailed my unhappy lot.” I wonder what it will be like at the end of the “day” that is our life. We go through all kinds of confusion, struggles, sufferings, sorrows, and maddening frustrations. But at the end of the day, if we find ourselves in the Kingdom of Heaven, what does it matter how the day went? It will all seem quite humorous then, if we remember it at all, and we will have the perspective from which we can see how God is at work in the midst of all our troubles, trying to teach us something about life and faith, and perhaps just making use of our offered sufferings for the good of souls. That’s up to Him. We just have to trust Him and remember that the day will eventually come to an end. If we have been faithful (even though a bit rattled), and if we turned to Him in our need, even if we didn’t receive the instant help we begged for, placing it all before Him, perhaps with a sigh, but at least knowing He is our only hope, we’ll arrive safely in the end. And the end of the day will be the beginning of a new and joyful, unending life, where there is no anxiety or frustration—probably because there will be no computers!
