Eucharisto to Theo

Thanks be to God, it’s Thanksgiving Day!  This is the holiday on the civil calendar that has the closest connection to our liturgical feasts.  When St Paul says, “I give thanks to God,” it reads in Greek, Eucharisto to Theó, so already we see the connection with giving thanks in general to giving thanks for the greatest of God’s gifts, that of the Body and Blood of his only-begotten Son, who gives Himself mystically and sacramentally to us in the Holy Eucharist, that we may abide in Him and He in us.

But as we liturgically give thanks, let us also look at the whole mystery of Thanksgiving in the context of today’s readings (1Tim. 6:6-11, 17-19 and Lk. 12:22-34).  St Paul begins with a statement that is a kind of truism, yet that most people seem routinely to ignore: “We brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of the world.”  Besides the obvious truth of this fact, what does it mean?  It means that we are meant to see all things as gift.  If we can neither enter this world with what we need to live in it nor leave this world with what we have amassed in it, then we have to acknowledge that we depend ultimately on others, and especially on one Other, to provide for us.  If we learn to see all things as gift, then we will easier be able to give thanks.

The Apostle goes on to say that if we have food and clothing we ought to be content with these and not cultivate a desire for riches and superfluous possessions, for these things “plunge men into ruin and destruction,” as well as causing many to fall away from faith in God.  There’s a kind of simple logic here: if God provides you with all you really need, and if your desire for riches leads you to fall away from God, you will end up without God and without his gifts, being thus left with only your “senseless and hurtful desires.”  So the Apostle counsels us to trust in God for the necessities of life, and for the rest: “aim at righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, and gentleness.”  This echoes the message of the Gospel: seek the Kingdom of God and all that you need will be given you.

So we are to avoid the desire to have more than what God actually gives.  But God is not miserly, so we don’t have to resign ourselves to lives of deprivation, for the Apostle goes on to say that rather than trust in uncertain riches, we should trust in God, “who richly furnishes us with everything to enjoy.”  It is perhaps another cliché that we should give our primary attention to the Giver and not merely the gift, but since this is the message of the Gospel, we still must strive daily to put it into practice.

Today’s Gospel reading is not only about Divine Providence, but about our trust in Providence, the laying aside of our anxieties, knowing that if we seek first the Kingdom the Lord will grant what we need to live this temporal life.  But it’s not always easy to trust in God, as the experience of many people (and perhaps at times even our own experience) shows.

There’s a story about trust and lack of trust that perhaps you’ve heard before, but it’s worth repeating, for it exposes our usual approach to trusting in God.  A man accidentally fell over the edge of a cliff and grabbed on to a protruding tree branch.  He was still hundreds of feet above the ground and was unable to pull himself back up to safety.  He wasn’t particularly devout, but people tend to think of God when in life-threatening situations.  So he called out in desperation: “Is there anyone out there?”  God answered and said, “I am here, and I will save you.”  The man said, “What do I have to do?”  God replied, “Let go of the branch and I will catch you.”  The man thought for a moment and then said: “Is there anyone else out there?”

God is ready, willing, and able to help us, but we aren’t always willing to let Him help us, on his terms.  We’d like to arrange for our security in a way that doesn’t involve much risk, but God asks us to take a risk when He requires our trust.  We’re supposed to be seeing life and all that is in it as God’s gift, for which we should be grateful, but the more we exclude God from the equation of our contentment, the less inclined we will be to give thanks, and the more inclined we will be to be anxious about what we need for this life.

The rich Thanksgiving dinner that is part of the usual celebration of this holiday in America is a symbol and expression of God’s bounty.  But we are not to rest in such things alone.  The Lord explicitly says in the Gospel, “Life is more than food,” more than clothing or any other material good.  We are called to give thanks for material blessings, but we are always to remember the “more than.”  Gratitude both presupposes and flows from trust.  It’s a virtuous circle.  So do not be anxious, says the Lord.  The “more than” is the Kingdom of God, which the Father graciously gives to those who put their trust in Him by seeking his Kingdom above all else.

There’s another side to the coin as well.  Even though trust and gratitude are essential elements in our relationship to God, especially in the context of all his bountiful gifts to us, they are not sufficient for the Christian life.  If one is truly seeking first the Kingdom of God, then gratitude and trust will be expressed in generosity to others.  As soon as Jesus tells us to seek the Kingdom, which the Father’s good pleasure desires to give us; as soon as He assures us that God will provide all we need, He says, “Sell your possessions and give alms”!  That’s really the risk of trust, but it is the message of the Gospel.  We aren’t allowed to sit back and say, “God is good; look at all this wealth He has granted me,” while Lazarus is outside starving at our gate.  “Freely you have received,” said Jesus to his disciples, “now freely give.”

Speaking of coins and freely giving, a little while back I recalled that many years ago someone had freely given us a gold coin.  I was “saving it for a rainy day,” and those storm clouds always seem to be approaching.  But I thought to myself, I have these uncertain riches set aside for an uncertain future, but families are starving today.  Why should I be sitting on a piece of gold when it could buy hundreds of pounds of food for the desperately needy?  So I did what Jesus said: I sold the gold and freely gave alms.  Maybe it’s good that I kept it this long, though, because I was able to sell that tiny coin for about a thousand dollars, so I gave a thousand dollars to the poor.

Not only does Jesus say that it is more important to seek the Kingdom than to pursue material security, He says (as an extension of this) that our treasure must be in Heaven, for where our treasure is, there will our hearts be also.  Jesus wants our hearts to be in Heaven, that is, with Him where He is, but they won’t be there if the goods of this world are at the top of our list of priorities.  In further witness of this, the First Great Commandment enjoins us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind, all our strength.

We heard recently the Gospel of the rich fool, who had his heart and his treasure on earth, in the abundance of his possessions, but the Lord warned us that not only did he miss the meaning of life, he also missed out on the eternal destiny for which God has created us, if only we will acknowledge the priority of his Kingdom and live accordingly.

So if our hearts are not wholly with God, there will be a certain ambivalence to this holiday.  We will see it as a celebration of earthly pleasure and bounty, and perhaps of a material security, which is actually a false security.  How many people who trusted in wealth and in their financial savvy lost most or all of it as the economy came tumbling down, and banks and brokers went out of business!  These are the “uncertain riches” that St Paul warns us about, and such is not what is meant to be celebrated on Thanksgiving.

We should begin by thanking God for his mighty works on our behalf, the greatest of which is his sending his Son into this world to bear our sins and die for us that we might be forgiven and find salvation.  Then we thank Him that we can daily enter into the grace of this saving mystery, eating and drinking the price of our redemption, as St Augustine said.  As we receive the Holy Eucharist, we should say with St Paul, Eucharisto to Theó, I give thanks to God.  The list of things for which we can give thanks goes on and on.  We should walk through our days awake and aware of all that God does for us, all that He gives us, all the things from which he saves and protects us, all the things He has prepared for those who love Him. We should also thank Him for the good that He brings out of things that don’t seem like gifts: the various trials and sufferings of our lives, for He allows nothing to happen to us without planning to bring good out of it, or to make of it an instruction for living more faithfully the life that belongs to those who seek first his Kingdom.

Then, once we are rooted in thanksgiving and trust, let us be generous to those who are in need, in whatever way it is possible for us.  We have many more material advantages than most people in the world, so we shouldn’t be stingy about parting with some of them for the sake of those who have so little.  But even if we are poor, we can give of ourselves to those around us.  Jesus said that we are to give alms from the things that are within.  We give alms through charity, through forgiveness, through a smile, through sacrificing some preference of ours for the sake of someone else.  If we really trust God and are really grateful to God, this trust and gratitude will be manifest in the way we regard and treat others, the joy and blessing we bring into the lives of others.

So let us enjoy the gifts of God and be eager to share with others.  Let us give thanks in the Eucharist and in all other ways.  Let us receive the Kingdom from our loving Father’s hand, having secured our treasure, and thus our hearts, in Heaven.

More on Trusting

There’s a little more I’d like to share on trust from Fr Williams’ book, Can God be Trusted? One of the things that is often a factor in our ability (or lack thereof) to trust in God is whether or not we think He has let us down at times, especially at times when we most needed Him.

The problem seems to be that we don’t really know what we need, and so when we don’t receive what we think we need, we assume that God has let us down, didn’t come through for us.  But God doesn’t give us a stone when we ask for bread. In fact, He will only give us bread even when we (unwittingly) ask for a stone!  If we persevere in trust, despite the “evidence” of God letting us down, we will usually be able to see, at least in hindsight, that God was with us all along.  One of the interviewees the author quotes said: “There were times when I thought God let me down… When I look back I realize I felt a sense of anger toward God.  Yet now I see they were blessings and have made me the person I am today.”  The psalmist (Ps 118/119) says something similar: “It was good for me to be afflicted, to learn your statutes… Before I was afflicted I strayed, but now I keep Your word” (vv. 71, 67).

We may not be content with God’s timing, either, and so we may think his “delays” are due to his not loving or caring for us as we think He should.  But He will always prove, in one way or another, and perhaps only at the end, that everything He has done for us has been done at precisely the right time and in precisely the right way.

It may be a source of discouragement for us, and hence a reason for us to abandon trust, that God doesn’t give us what we ask for.  The author spends a couple chapters talking about what God has promised and what He has not promised.  There’s no sense in getting angry with God for not doing something that He never said He would do!  Among the things God has not promised are: perfect justice on earth, an explanation for his own actions, a problem-free existence, foreknowledge of life’s twists and turns, and warm, fuzzy feelings.  It’s likely that if we are tempted to lose trust in God, it is related somehow to one of these “nonpromises” of God.  We simply want things to be other than the way they are, and we get mad at God for not rearranging reality to suit our sensibilities.

The above things that God has not promised belong mainly to the “small picture,” when He really wants us to look at the big picture and realize that what He does promise is much more important, even eternally so, than what He doesn’t.  What God does promise, according to Fr Williams, are the following: He will always tell us the truth, He has always loved us and will never withdraw his love, He will give us everything we need to reach Heaven, He will ask of us only what we can give, He will be with us always, He will give meaning to our lives, He will be our final reward.  It’s clear that these promises are much more profound than the “nonpromises” we tend to expect or demand from Him.  God always has our best, that is, our eternal interests at heart, and so what He promises will always be in some way for the sake of our salvation and eternal happiness.  And in this we can trust.

It seems to me that much of our ability to trust in God hinges upon what we can trust in and what we can’t, that is, knowing what He has promised and what He hasn’t.  We can’t just blithely say, when desiring a certain gift from God or a certain favorable state of affairs: if I just trust God, He will give me what I ask for.  Remember, if from his perspective what you’re asking for is equivalent to a stone, then He will only give you bread, because that is what is best for you.  So we can’t always trust that God is going to grant all the particulars, which means that when He doesn’t, that is no reason to give up trusting in Him.  We trust Him for the things that really matter, the things that have eternal significance, the things that He has in fact promised. This doesn’t mean that He will not answer our prayers for smaller, temporal things, for He often does. But our trust in Him means that whether He does or not, we will not fall away but rather remain faithful to Him who promises eternal life to those who trust in Him.  A good example is found in the words of the three young men threatened with a fiery death if they did not worship the king’s idol: “If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace; and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But even if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods…” (Dan. 3:17-18).

Their fidelity to God did not rest on his answering a particular prayer of theirs—even an urgent one!—but rather on the faithfulness of God Himself, who does as He wills, but always for the ultimate good of those who put their trust in Him.

So, the bottom line is: it’s worth it.  Trusting in God is all gain, despite what might have to be endured in the short term, and not trusting in God is all loss. Be it known, then, that come what may, we will not serve anyone (or anything, like our own desires, preferences, perspectives, comforts, or plans) but the true God, who loves us and has prepared marvelous and everlasting blessings for those who choose to believe in Him, trust in Him, and love Him to the end.

On Fools and Kingdoms

Today’s Gospel passage (Lk. 12:16-21) is a short parable, but it is situated in a context that covers most of chapter 12 in Luke’s Gospel.  We’ll try to understand it within that context.  I received a little help from a commentary I found in cyberspace by someone named Hampton Keithley IV, and I’ll incorporate a couple of his insights here and there in this homily.

This parable is commonly called the “Parable of the Rich Fool,” appropriately enough, since it is about a rich man whom God calls a fool.  Now God rarely calls anyone names (especially in the New Testament), so this man, or rather what this figure in the parable represents, must really have been worthy of reproach.

The occasion for telling this parable is given just before the selected reading of today’s Gospel.  Jesus had been teaching the people about relying on the Holy Spirit to speak through them when they were called to witness to Him before hostile authorities.  Some fellow, who was obviously concerned with other things besides Jesus’ teaching, then comes up with a non-sequitur: “Teacher, bid my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”  The only case in which an inheritance would need to be divided is that of the father’s death.  This son doesn’t seem to have been in a state of mourning, but he was doing what many heirs do when their parents die: contest the will and fight over the inheritance.

Jesus responds rather ironically: “Man, who made me a judge or divider over you?” In fact, Jesus would eventually be the Judge of this man’s immortal soul, but the man at this point seemed less concerned with the state of his soul than with the state of his finances.  Jesus didn’t come to settle disputes over material assets, so he did not fulfill the man’s request, but rather made use of the issue to tell a parable about the uselessness of riches to secure one’s true happiness.

He preceded it by saying: “Beware of all covetousness; for a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”  People without money often think that money will buy happiness, and people with money often realize that it doesn’t.  The wealthy heiress Christina Onassis once said, “Happiness is not based on money, and the greatest proof of that is our family.”

So the Lord told a story to illustrate his teaching.  The land of a rich man produced such a plentiful crop that he couldn’t even store it.  We get the impression that the man’s wealth isolated him from the rest of society.  Important decisions in that time and culture were discussed at the city gate.  Major issues affecting any individual always had some effect on the wider community and so it was normal that the community would take part in the discussion.  But in the parable it says that the man reasoned with himself, consulting no others, not sharing either his dilemma or his abundance with anyone in his own community.  Having reasoned with himself, he came to his own conclusion, which benefited only himself: “I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build larger ones; and there I will store all my grain and all my goods.”

Notice that in reasoning with himself he never suggested to himself that perhaps he ought to give his excess to the poor, who don’t even have what they need to live on.  What he said to himself was this: “You have ample goods laid up for many years; take your ease, eat, drink, and be merry.”

Too bad he only reasoned with himself and didn’t invite God into the discussion.  As we see in the parable, God invited Himself into the discussion and said to the rich man: “You fool!  This night your soul is required of you; and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?”  Here we return to the original setting of the parable.  A man had died, and the question on the lips of his heirs concerning his possessions was: Whose will they be?—meaning, they had better be mine!  But the goods were utterly useless to the man who died, and all that resulted was conflict and division over their distribution.

Jesus concluded the parable by saying: “So is he who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich in the sight of God.”  This in turn provides the context for his famous teaching on the birds of the air and the lilies of the field, on not being anxious about food and clothing but instead seeking the Kingdom of God.  He ends up counseling the exact opposite of the rich man’s reasoning.  Instead of storing up possessions for a comfortable life on Earth, Jesus said sell your possessions and give alms, thus providing treasure in Heaven.

Let’s go back and see where the rich man went wrong.  He was guilty of three basic and grave errors.  The first was that he thought that an abundance of material goods would bring him happiness and contentment.  He was missing the point of the meaning of life and reduced it to earthly pleasures and the satisfaction of the senses, which also led him to a false sense of security when he did in fact enjoy all those things.

The second error was that he was concerned for no one but himself.  If he believed that happiness could come from wealth and possessions, why didn’t he think to make others happy by sharing the excess that he didn’t need?  Not only did he seek happiness in perishable things, he hoarded them all to himself so nobody else could benefit from them.

The third error was the worst one. He didn’t factor God, death, and the afterlife into his plans for happiness or into his understanding of the meaning of life.  He could have repented of his misdirected values and his selfishness, but once he died without God all his chances were lost.

All three of his errors are succinctly indicated in God’s words to him.  First: “This night your soul is required of you.” This refers to the greatest of his errors.  Everything is lost; suddenly the rich man becomes a poor man before God and has nothing to show for his life.  He completely missed the meaning of life and proved himself a fool for ignoring the wisdom of God and taking counsel only with himself. Next: “The things you have prepared…” This refers to the man’s belief that material things could make him happy, content, and secure.  The nature of this fragile and ephemeral life—along with the nature of material things, which cannot ultimately satisfy human nature with its innate longing for transcendence and immortality—proved what a lie he had fallen for.  And finally: “…whose will they be?” refers to his selfishness and refusal to share his goods with the poor.  He had a chance to do some good with his material wealth, but he hoarded it for himself instead.  Elsewhere Jesus actually counseled us to “make friends through unrighteous mammon.”  He knew that material goods cannot win salvation, but they can still help others in need and in this way serve the purposes of the Kingdom.  That’s why Jesus said to give alms so that our treasure would be in Heaven.  If our treasure is on Earth, what will become of us when the Lord says: “This night your soul is required of you”?

The rich man was trying to make for himself a kingdom, as it were, on Earth, made of wealth and possessions.  But in doing this for himself he got it all backwards, and he also didn’t understand about the true and eternal Kingdom.  In the extended context of this parable, Jesus says to those who would seek such things as the rich man did: “Fear not… for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.”  The Kingdom, the Kingdom of Heaven, the imperishable, incorruptible Kingdom, the Kingdom you never have to leave behind, the Kingdom that fulfills the meaning of life and in which alone is found true happiness and contentment.  But it’s a radically different Kingdom than what earthly-minded people envision.

First of all, we don’t have to build it ourselves.  It’s ready-made, and the Father simply wants to give it to us.  But in order to receive it, our hands have to be open and not clenching all manner of lesser things.  So in order to receive the Kingdom we have to sell our possessions (at last our superfluous ones) and allow our treasure to be in the Kingdom of Heaven, because our hearts have to be there too if we are to be able to receive it from the Father.

This Gospel and its entire context tell us what life should be like for those who wish to follow Jesus and receive the Kingdom from the hand of the Father. In the Epistle reading (Eph. 4:1-6), St Paul urges us to “lead a life worthy of the calling” which we have received from God.  The life and mindset of the rich fool are not worthy of the Christian calling.  That’s why the Lord refused to get involved in disputes over money, because they are not worthy of his call to discipleship, to take up the cross and follow Him to the Kingdom.  That’s why the Lord said to beware of all covetousness and to realize that life means much more than possessions.

As for us, we may not be wealthy and building big warehouses to store our possessions.  But we still have to pay attention to the “bottom line” of this parable.  The day will eventually come when the Lord says to us: “This night your soul is required of you.”  How then shall we stand before God?  What will we have to show for ourselves?  Will we be shown to have stored up treasure in Heaven through a charitable and self-sacrificing life and thus be rich in the eyes of God?  Or will we be shown to have thought only of ourselves, our comfort, our security, our insulated niche in life, our having things our own way, which constitute, in Jesus’ words, laying up treasure for ourselves?

Let us then not take counsel merely within ourselves, but let us consult the word of God and such people as can give us a perspective and insight we cannot achieve on our own. Original sin has made us all innately selfish, so we have to make a sustained effort to come out of ourselves and our narrow perspective, so that we can lead a life worthy of the call of the Gospel.

We’re a week into Advent now, so our minds and hearts should be looking toward the Kingdom that the Father wants to give to us, the Kingdom that is revealed in the person of Christ.  He has not come to solve our petty problems but to speak to us the word of life, to reveal the mysteries of the Kingdom, to show us how to walk the narrow but invigorating path to the fullness of life.

Let us then look toward the holy night—not only the night on which we celebrate the birth of Christ, but the night on which our souls shall be required of us.  Let us begin now to grow rich in grace and charity, that we may please the Father, whose good pleasure it is to give us the Kingdom.

Mary and the Mystery of Consecration

[The feast is actually on the 21st, but since I'm also preaching on the 22nd, I'm publishing this a day early, to get as much mileage out of it as I can!]

As we celebrate another solemn feast of the Mother of God, a feast that should be dear to all those who are consecrated to God, I would like to reflect a bit on the person of Our Lady before going into the details of the particular mystery we are celebrating: her entrance (or presentation) in the Temple of God.

Mary of Nazareth is one of the most fascinating and attractive persons in the whole of human history.  The mystery of her person and unique mission has inspired endless devotion, love, works of art and music and literature for millions of people in all cultures and walks of life.  We might even say that she has captured the imagination of humanity as much as Christ Himself has, though we can only say this in a very specific sense.  I say this simply because we expect Christ—God-made-man come from Heaven to Earth—to be mysterious, incomprehensible, and infinitely fascinating.  But who is this woman so intimately associated with the divine mystery, playing an indispensable role in our salvation, yet coming not from Heaven but from Earth, a human creature like we are?  How is she so caught up in the mystery of God that well over a billion people in this world throw themselves at her feet in devotion and supplication?

We even have a liturgical text that literally asks the same question.  It goes like this: “Who is she?  Who is this woman so close to God in truth that she surpasses in dignity the orders of heavenly angels?  She is the only Mother who shone with the radiance of virginity, for she brought the Mighty One into the world.”

All of Mary’s mystery and glory and appeal come, of course, from her relationship to the God-Man, our Lord Jesus Christ.  Therefore all of her feast days in some way refer to her receiving the Son of God into her womb and giving birth to Him for our salvation.  Some people seem to consider Our Lady’s role as a merely temporary and utilitarian one.  If the Son of God wanted to be born as a man, he needed a human mother, so He chose one, and when the job was done He said, “Thank you very much,” and moved on to other things.  But this mystery deserves much more reflection and devotion than that.  God does not deal with us merely according to our usefulness for his plans.  He deals with us personally, lovingly, and He reserves rich rewards for all who cooperate freely with his will.

Mary is really the ultimate masterpiece of God’s human creations.  He envisioned her alone from all eternity as the one who would give flesh to God, who would give the Savior to the world in a unique, unprecedented, and unrepeatable manner.  This goes far beyond the Jewish hopes for the coming of the Messiah.  For all the superlatives lavished upon this prophesied figure, no one dared imagine that the Messiah would actually be the very same God who brought their ancestors out of Egypt, worked countless miracles and made a covenant with his people—and that God would incomprehensibly humble Himself to be born as a man from the flesh of a young Jewish woman, who was actually little more than a girl!  We’ll never be able to grasp or imagine what it must have been like for Mary to hold God in her womb and feel Him moving and growing as her own child.  But we should give this incredible mystery all the devotion and praise it deserves.

The Fathers of the Church, in their awestruck wonder at this profound and unique mystery, searched the Scriptures to see how God had foreshadowed it through the history of his chosen people, for if Christ is the eternal Word of God, then divine revelation, even in the Old Testament, had to speak of Him.  What we have in today’s Epistle reading (Heb. 9:1-7) are a few of the images the fathers used to speak allegorically of the mystery of Mary.  It’s all about the Holy of Holies, an appropriate image for the Mother of God, in whom God dwelled in a unique and utterly extraordinary way.

The reading begins with mention of an “earthly sanctuary.”  Our Lady is often called the sanctuary or temple of God, and that is especially appropriate for today’s feast of her entrance into the temple, and the liturgical hymnographers delight in saying things like, “Today the temple of God enters the temple of God.”  The reading from Hebrews goes on to describe the contents of the Holy of Holies. The main thing was the ark of the covenant, the specific locus of the presence of God within the temple.  Mary is often called the Ark of the New Covenant, for she herself was the locus of the presence of the Incarnate God as she carried Him in her womb.  Also there was the golden urn containing the manna.  Mary contained within herself Him who called Himself the Bread of Life, which He explicitly contrasted with the manna in the desert (Jn. 6:48-51).

Aaron’s rod that budded was taken by the fathers to refer to the virginal conception and birth.  And the tablets of the covenant, written in stone and given to Moses were another source of inspiration. There’s a beautiful text that says Mary is a scroll or a book upon whom the Word of God was written by the hand of the Father.  All of these are images and prefigurations of the mystery of the incarnation and hence of Mary’s role in it.

There is one more, and this indicates not only Mary as the Holy of Holies in which God dwelled, but her perpetual virginity as well.  The author of the Epistle to the Hebrews says that into the Holy of Holies only the high priest goes.  Elsewhere in the epistle Jesus is called the High Priest of the New Covenant.  So into the womb of Mary, chosen as the holiest dwelling of the Most High, only Christ went.  It is inconceivable that after God Himself passed bodily through the body of the Virgin, He would just tell her to get on with life, have many children and grow old in peace.  That would attribute to God that utilitarian attitude that has nothing to do with God as Love.  Rather, God would keep as a precious and inviolable treasure his Virgin Mother and allow her total consecration of body and soul to Him to bear abundant fruit for the life of the Church.

So now we finally come to this mystery of consecration which is essential to today’s feast.  The whole point of the narration of Mary’s entrance into the temple as a young child is that she had been consecrated to God from the very beginning of life.  We will see in a few weeks another of her feasts that makes it explicit that God did not go searching among girls of a certain age and place who might be suitable candidates for bearing his divine Son.  Mary was foreknown and chosen; she was created for this very thing and no other.

The details of the story of her entrance into the temple serve only to dramatize the essential mystery which in itself is something hidden and ineffable.  The story gives us a visual image of consecration to God, being set apart in a holy place for his service alone, for a specific mission chosen personally by God for this unique individual. In the common Gospel for feasts of Our Lady (Lk. 10:38-42; 11-27-28), we learn about hearing the word of God and keeping it.  Just because Mary was chosen from all eternity to be the Mother of God, and presented in the temple as an act of consecration to Him, we can’t assume that at the tender age of three she actually knew what her mission in life was to be.  But she went to the temple to hear the word of God, to be instructed in his ways, to learn how to love and serve Him.  When she was at length filled with the wisdom of the Holy Scriptures, and as the grace and love of God became very air she breathed, she was ready not only to hear the word of God but to do it.  And in her case that meant saying “yes” to the astounding annunciation of the incarnation of God, allowing the Word of God into her body as well as her soul, and then spending the rest of her life in loving surrender to the incredible living miracle that was at once her Son and her God.

As we contemplate the mystery of the Mother of God today, taking our place in the endless generations that call her blessed (see Lk. 1:42-49), let us revive our devotion, our wonder, and our love, and allow our eyes to be further opened to the reasons for her appeal, which has enkindled the hearts of poets and saints throughout the ages.  Let it all be an occasion for giving thanks to God, who so generously involves his beloved ones in his own mystery and mission, and who works all things for our joy and our salvation.

Let us also reflect on the profound grace of our own consecration to God, whether it is baptismal, monastic, or priestly (or, as the case may be, all three!).  For we have been set apart for God’s service.  As Jesus said, He has chosen us out of the world to be his disciples.  More than that, we are to be his dwelling places, his temples, as the Scriptures tell us.  Let us pray for the grace to live up to this awesome gift and mission, that we may be pure and holy temples of God, we who have entered this temple to worship Him.  That should be a sign, a dramatization of the inner mystery of consecration unto salvation.  Let us hear the word of God in our prayer and reading and worship, that we may do it in all the details of daily life.  Thus we can join the ranks of Mary’s devoted children, whom she unfailingly leads into that Holy of Holies which is the Heavenly Jerusalem, the fulfillment of all consecration and faithfulness, where God wipes away every tear and makes all things new.

Advent-Christmas Newsletter

Our Advent-Christmas newsletter is now available online.  In the Byzantine tradition, the “St Philip’s Fast,” which is the preparatory 40-day period before Christmas, begins on November 15.  So hurry, you’re already late!  You can access the newsletter by clicking here or on the newsletter link in the sidebar.  It should keep you busy for a few days.  Hopefully, along with what you read in the newsletter, I’ll have some reflections during this period to help you prepare spiritually for Christmas.

Downloading Righteousness

Reading Romans 3 a little while ago, I was confronted with the mystery of grace, of righteousness received by faith.  In a sense it almost seems too easy, and if one misunderstands it, one might think there is very little we need to do in order to be saved.  I wonder sometimes if some of St Paul’s letters would have turned out a little differently if he were not embroiled in controversies about the Law, which perhaps prevented him from a more irenic reflection on the revelation of God because of the urgent need of a polemic on grace vs. “works of the law” (i.e., circumcision and other specifically Jewish practices not required of believers in Christ; see 3:28-29).  But we trust that the Scriptures are as God would have them, and we take it from there.

The righteousness of God is communicated to those who believe in Jesus Christ.  Since we all have sinned, says the Apostle, and hence have no right to this righteousness, we “are justified by his grace as a gift… to be received by faith.”  So we receive this gift by God’s graciousness and our faith, but why then does Paul soon warn those who have thus been justified not to sin lest they perish?  If we have received righteousness, aren’t we home free?  Some would say so, but Scripture doesn’t agree.

I’d like to beg your indulgence as I indulge in another computer analogy, since, as you know, I’ve had to be dealing a lot with them in recent weeks and so the terminology is on my mind.  All analogies are imperfect, but some can still help us with our understanding.  Most people are fairly conversant on basic computer terms, so here goes.

Let’s say my computer is sick unto death with some sort of system failure (this represents my soul, me, a sinner).  It can’t restore itself and so needs outside help.  I discover that there is a program available online that is designed to remedy the precise problem that is ailing my computer—and on top of that, it is a free download! (This is grace as free gift.)  So I’m all excited about this and at least am able to get online before my computer utterly perishes.  Putting my faith in the one who promises that this program will indeed fix what ails my computer, I download the file.  Great, the saving program is now mine (justification by faith)!  See, it’s right there on my computer desktop!

Why, then, does my computer still have the same problem?  Why isn’t it fixed?  It’s because the free download (the gift of grace) has to be installed if it is to be effective.  I have to play my part by opening it up and going through the installation process, and following whatever instructions are given by the Manufacturer so that it will actually work as promised and heal the fatal system illness.  Even though the program is mine and has been freely given to me, if I don’t follow the instructions for actually applying the remedy, the computer is still as good as dead.  Faith without works, says the Bible, is dead (James 2:26)

St Paul says the same thing in a slightly different way when he gives us the most concise summary I’ve ever seen of what Christianity is: “faith working through love” (Gal. 5:6). Faith is a gift, like the grace of justification, but it doesn’t work except through love, that is, through putting it into practice in the way we live our lives in relation to God and our neighbor.

If this were not so, then St Paul would not have to tell people, who had already been justified by faith, that there were still things that could keep them out of Heaven.  About these he said, “I warn you… that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19-21; see also 1Cor. 6:9-10).  Such people have downloaded the file which is designed to fix the corrupted computer, but they haven’t installed it; they haven’t followed the user’s guide for applying the fix!

St Paul says similar things (though somehow he never thought of a computer analogy, despite the inspiration of the Holy Spirit—or perhaps because of it!) in Romans 6-8.  He’s writing to people who have already been justified by faith and who have been baptized into the death and resurrection of Christ. He still has to urge them not to sin, not to yield to temptations; he has to remind them that sin can still lead to eternal death, but the gift they have received is meant to lead them to eternal life.  There is still a war going on, and choices still have to be made.  “To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace” (8:6).

It’s always important to take things in the proper context, and to see the writings of a particular biblical author (and even of Scripture as such) as a unity, so that certain teachings aren’t overemphasized at the expense of others.

So, yes, grace is a free and unearned gift, justification comes from the mercy and generosity of God and is received by faith, and the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.  But the gift will achieve its intended result only if we do the will of the Father, if our faith works through love, if we avoid what is evil and cling to what is good.

Download righteousness, then, for it’s free and will save your system from the scrap heap.  But don’t forget to install it, and be sure to follow the instructions.  Then your faith working through love will keep everything running smoothly until the time comes for the Ultimate Upgrade into the Kingdom of Heaven—where you will never hear another computer analogy again!

Entrusting

There’s a rather good new book out on trusting in God.  I can’t really get enough of discovering good insights on this crucial topic in the spiritual life, and perhaps you are the same way.  I’ll share a little of what I’ve found so far, but since I’ve read less than half the book at this writing, I may have more to share later.  The book is entitled, Can God be Trusted? It is written by Fr Thomas D. Williams.

Along with some standard teaching on the topic, he tries to fine-tune his subject by saying what trust is not, or perhaps what it is “not quite.”  Trust is not the same as optimism, not the same as expectation or reliance, and not quite the same as faith or hope.  I’ll let you read for yourself, if you’re interested enough to get the book, what he says about all this, but what I’m giving here is a sort of outline that you might use to reflect on the topic.

He also gives some requirements of trustworthiness, because it is foolhardy to trust in someone who is not trustworthy.  These requirements are competence, goodwill, truthfulness, and moral integrity.  Of course, God scores really high on the trustworthiness test!

Then there are God’s “competitors” for our trust, that is, the things that we might be tempted to trust instead of God, or perhaps simply a little more than God, or as a safety net—should God not come through for us after all.  These are education, wealth, our “networks” (i.e., our circle of friends, colleagues, etc, that seem to give us a sense of security), personal ingenuity, ideologies and theories, with a brief mention of things like power, superstition, sex, drugs, etc.  All these necessarily fail the trust test and may even turn out to be quite harmful.

So far all this is helpful reading and is well-organized to situate the topic and help us gain some understanding.  What hit home most for me, though, is what follows: the “sins against trust.”  These may not in all cases be deliberate personal sins, but in all cases they are obstacles to trusting in God.  Three of the four main obstacles are anxiety, complaining, and discouragement.  It’s probably not unlikely that most of us will find ourselves struggling with one or more of these as we are confronted with situations that try our trust in God.

I’ll give just a few lines here from each.  Anxiety: “Anxiety refers to a distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune… We fret, we doubt, we are afraid and disturbed by what the future may bring… Yet here is where trust in God proves so essential… An unhesitating belief in God’s providential care keeps us from becoming overly worried and preserves our peace of soul.”  Complaining: “A complainer seems never satisfied with his or her lot… This is spiritually problematic because it leads us to minimize the presence of God’s grace and love in our lives, to overlook his abundant gifts.  Rather than acknowledge his manifest love for us—even in times of trial—we accentuate the difficulties of our existence… Rather than asking himself what God may intend by allowing a certain state of affairs… the complainer sees only the immediate inconveniences or irritations of his situation [mea culpa!].  He also fails to realize how fruitful this sacrifice may be.”  Discouragement: “Discouragement normally appears when we stop looking at God (for whom all things are possible) and become fixated on ourselves and our own misery… It doesn’t help us, it doesn’t please God, and it doesn’t benefit other people.  In fact, the only one who comes out ahead through our discouragement is the devil, who delights in seeing us doubt the love and mercy of God… Trust shows itself in a particularly beautiful way when we have fallen but still have the hope to grasp the hand of God, who reaches down to lift us up again.”

There is one more, which didn’t quite resonate as much as the others—self-sufficiency—because I’m always crying out for help!  But since self-sufficiency is a form of pride, I still pay attention, for pride has many tentacles, and we have to beware of them all.  There is a rather humorous (but incisive) passage in this section: “We sometimes think we need to impress God… Like the Pharisee, we pull out our list of qualities and accomplishments as if we were expecting God to step back and say, ‘Wow! You are one impressive Christian! Now I know why I love you so much!’  This isn’t going to happen… such self-aggrandizement merely makes God shake his head sadly, wondering when we are going to get over our infatuation with ourselves and allow him into our hearts.”

One of the main things I’ve received from this book so far is the idea of trust as entrustment.  When I trust God, I’m not just relying on Him to come through for me in any given situation.  I trust Him because I have entrusted something precious to Him, that is, my soul, my life.  We have to be clear on God’s trustworthiness in order to be able to do this, but if we really do personally entrust what is most precious to God, this very act of entrustment in turn enhances our trust.  We see God in a new light, not only as a kind of spiritual Protector and Provider, but as someone we know well enough to entrust our secrets to, someone with whom we are on such intimate terms as to be able to hand our very lives over to Him without hesitation, without doubts or second thoughts.  When we are able confidently to entrust our immortal souls to God, and all the secrets of our inner lives—and rest in that—we will be able to live in peace and meet the demands and even the disasters of life without anxiety, complaining, or discouragement.

Trust is worth whatever it takes to acquire it.  Ask for it in faith, and start living like you believe you have received it.  Then entrust yourself to the Lord and start to live life in a more peaceful and fruitful way.  I almost just wrote, “Trust me, it will work,” but don’t trust me.  Trust God.

Heavenly Incorporeal Powers

Today on the Byzantine calendar is the feast of the Holy Archangel Michael and all the Holy Angels.  Since it happens to fall on a Sunday this year, we’re required to read the Sunday readings as well, which gives the homilist a wide (and mostly unrelated) variety of texts to work with. But I would like to focus mainly on the feast of the holy angels.

Oddly enough, however, the Gospel for the feast (Lk. 10:16-22) does not mention angels at all!  There’s an implication of their activity, since it mentions the defeat of the devil, but understood in context, this still does not refer directly to the angels.  Perhaps the Gospel prescribed for this feast at Matins (Mt. 13:24-30, 36-43) would be more appropriate, and I’ll refer to it here, but since it’s a Sunday we didn’t even get to read that!

When Jesus said He saw satan fall from heaven like lightning—after the disciples returned from a mission in which they were astounded to see the demons subject to them in Jesus’ name—it is often assumed that Jesus was referring to the original fall of the devil.  But most translations are inaccurate at this point.  There are two things to consider.  One is that the Greek word used for seeing is not the ordinary one but one which implies an extraordinary kind of vision, something that sees beyond the veils, so to speak.  Jesus was seeing something behind the scenes, in the spiritual realm, as the apostles were carrying out their mission.

Jesus was most likely referring to Satan’s contemporary fall as a direct result of the disciples’ spiritual warfare.  The verb in the original Greek of the Gospel is in the imperfect tense, and so it should be translated: “I was watching Satan fall like lightning,” which, coming immediately upon the disciples’ telling him of their victory over demons, evidently means that Jesus was watching the devil fall as they were casting him out. (It wouldn’t make much sense for Him to be reflecting at that moment upon something that happened many millennia ago, which had nothing to do with his disciples.) From this we can take courage.  The defeat of our spiritual enemies is not something accomplished only by archangels in the far-distant past.  It is something we have a role in accomplishing today, and hence something for which we are given the grace to be victorious.  The devil falls every time a Christian stands against him in the name of the Lord, every time we choose good over evil.

Indeed, God has given us the power to take him down.  Jesus told his disciples: “I have given you authority… over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”  This is something that perhaps we don’t sufficiently reflect upon or even believe.  This doesn’t mean that we are all professional exorcists, for that is a specialized vocation and one must be well-trained for it.  But we confront “the power of the enemy” daily in the form of temptations and other obstacles he throws in our path to divert us from the faithful service of the true and living God. Our baptism into the Holy Trinity, as well as monastic consecration or priestly ordination where they apply, gives us “veto power” over the temptations of the devil, and as we stand for Christ with the assistance of our guardian angels, we can be confident that we will come to no spiritual harm.  Our undoing is fear, or lack of confidence in God, or perhaps even attachment to our own concupiscence, but the authority has been given to us, and the Lord expects us to exercise it.

In fact, it just might be that our participation is required if the angels themselves are to be successful in fighting for us.  This possibility was dramatized in a novel entitled This Present Darkness.  In it we get a behind-the-scenes look at the battle between the holy angels and the demonic hordes and how it affects the lives of people on earth.  The Lord had given certain tasks to the angels, who were up against formidable foes, and before they went into action they would check: “Is there enough prayer support for this?”  If enough people weren’t praying, or praying fervently enough, the angels would not succeed and the demons would acquire greater influence over souls.  The fearful image of one succumbing to temptation was that of a demon sinking its claws into the brain of the person and holding it fast, or appearing as a beautiful, inviting person, and then when the bait was taken showing its actual horrifying face—but by then it was too late, for the victim was bound tightly in chains while the demon laughed, saying: “Now you are free!”

There were other cases in which the angels wished to intervene, but the Lord told them, no, this person has to face this conflict without special help, for there are lessons he needs to learn, but be available for the moment I send you to his aid.  All this is to say that we are personally engaged with the ministry of the angels; we have our distinct but cooperative roles in the universal struggle against evil.  They are surely much more powerful than we are, and we need them more than they need us, but it may very well be that they do need our prayer and faithfulness in order to do God’s will fully on our behalf.

Returning to the primordial angelic war, we know from the Book of Revelation that St Michael and his angels were instrumental in that casting out of the devil and the rebellious angels from Heaven. But the struggle is far from complete, as least insofar as individual souls are concerned.  We celebrate our guardian angels today as well as the great archangels that we know from the Scriptures.  Perhaps it is our guardian angels who should be most dear to us.  While the greatest of the heavenly powers have responsibility over the whole Church and the world—though of course God makes it possible for them to come to the aid of any individual who calls upon them—our guardian angels have only one special charge: us.  They have been assigned personally and specifically to us, to be our companions, protectors, guides, and intercessors throughout our lives.  And should they succeed in their mission to lead us safely into the Kingdom of Heaven, they will surely be among our best friends in Paradise, and we will not cease to thank them for helping us to attain that eternal happiness for which we were created.

The celebration of the feast of the Holy Angels should be for people a reminder that there is in fact a spiritual world populated with intelligent beings.  The majority of these are holy and good angels, but there are still numerous evil spirits that are part of that unseen world.   Of course it is God Himself who is the Creator of all things, both visible and invisible, and He should receive our primary attention and devotion.  But God has given us the angels to help us do his will and to keep us safe along the hard and narrow path to the Kingdom of Heaven, so we do well to befriend them and have frequent recourse to their blessed assistance.  The Letter to the Hebrews describes angels as “ministering spirits sent forth to serve, for the sake of those who are to obtain salvation” (1:14).

Angels have many different functions, according to their particular rank in the hierarchy of the heavenly powers.  We commonly call all the incorporeal powers of heaven “angels,” but technically that refers only to one of the nine ranks or choirs of angels.  But since such usage is common and convenient, I’ll use it here—without prejudice toward the Dominations, Virtues, Thrones, and all the others!

Along with being our personal protectors and intercessors, they engage in higher levels of spiritual warfare, and many of them have an eschatological function as well.  That is what we hear about in the Matins Gospel for the feast as well as throughout the Book of Revelation.  They are sent to gather the elect from the ends of the world and bring them to the right hand of the Lord’s judgment seat, where they will be welcomed with joy into the eternal life and glory of Heaven.  The angels will also gather the evildoers throughout the world and bring them to the left hand of the judgment seat, and they will be sent to the place of eternal punishment.  So, on one hand the angels are sent to serve and to minister to those who are to obtain salvation, and on the other hand, they are sent to execute justice against those who have rejected God and have thrown in their lot with the rebellious, fallen angels.

The holy angels live to do God’s will, and in this we have an example for our lives.  Even though we are severely hindered by our fallen nature and other human limitations, we are still called to be obedient to the commandments of the Lord and to strive to do his will in all things.  The fidelity, the zeal, the immediate and unquestioning response of the angels to God’s will ought to show us what it means to be a servant of God.

One thing we can draw from the Sunday Gospel (Lk. 8:41-56) is the power of faith in the accomplishment of God’s will in our lives and hence our fruitfulness in serving Him.  The angels had only one test of their faith, but it was a definitive one.  There were no grades; it was strictly on a pass/fail basis. Those who passed entered Heaven forever; those who failed had to make their home in Hell.  Here is where our limitations actually work in our favor.  We get a second chance, and a third, and whatever we need to get to the point of finally making an irrevocable commitment to God.  We may have many tests of faith, but we can take the course again, so to speak, if we fail, for God is merciful to us in our ignorance and weakness. What He asks of us primarily is faith.

That is why Jesus said to Jairus concerning his dead daughter: “Do not fear; only believe and she shall be well.”  And to the woman who was healed upon touching his garment: “Daughter, your faith has made you well.”  God asks us first to believe in his existence (see Heb. 11:6), and then to accept the full revelation brought by his only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.  This revelation includes the existence of the whole spiritual realm, angels and demons alike, and we have to find our place in God’s plan.  As human beings we are composed of both matter and spirit, and so we have a share in, and communication and “commerce” with, both the material and spiritual worlds.  We have to live our lives in the concrete situations of this world, yet at the same time we have to live—through faith and prayer and spiritual awareness—in communion with God and the angels and saints and the whole unseen reality.  For our faith tells us that “our lives are hidden with Christ in God” (Col. 3:3), and it is our ultimate goal to live in the world beyond this one, where there is no death or corruption or limitation due to sin or weakness.

In many of the prayers offered on feasts of saints, one of the best things that can be said, and often is, about them is that after having served God and suffered on this earth, now they rejoice and sing with the angels in Heaven.  Let us live now in such a way that this can be said about us when we die.  Let us make our guardian angels our close friends, and call on these heavenly warriors, as well as their prince, St Michael, to defend us in the day of battle, to strengthen our faith, to speak the word of God to our hearts, and at last to escort us joyfully to the place where all the blessed abide.

System Restore (revisited)

[I really wish I didn't have to say this, but my computer problems did not end where the last post ended.  I'll spare you the gory details, but I've decided to schedule a few posts in advance, just in case more trouble erupts.  So I'm re-publishing a years-old post here on the same darn subject, which I hope will still be of some spiritual benefit to those who haven't seen it.  Please pray for me!  I'm still making acts of trust, but I can't afford all the lost time.  And for an update on my dental work, the temporary crown already fell out twice!]

I’ve recently endured a harrowing, frustrating, irritating, time-consuming, and generally maddening series of minor and major computer problems, ranging from losing a few downloaded programs to witnessing the dreaded blue-screen announcement: “Fatal System Error.”

After praying that the ordeal would end quickly and favorably, I also prayed that I might learn whatever lesson the Lord wished me to learn through all this (also praying that I could learn lessons some other way!). I’m not sure I got whatever He was trying to tell me, but I did make applications of some of the technical terms to the spiritual life.

Two things that computers need, if they’re going to access the Internet, are a “firewall” and an anti-virus program. There are “hackers” constantly trying to break into your computer through its various open “ports,” so that they can steal confidential information from you (like credit card numbers when you shop online). And viruses are mostly created by demented computer geeks who have nothing better to do than create programs that will enter and jam up or destroy your computer. The devil is like a hacker, intent on stealing our virtue, with a bag full of spiritual viruses meant to ruin our spiritual lives and even destroy our souls. He looks for any open port in our spiritual defenses, any vulnerability he has observed, so that he can enter and do his dirty work. So we need the holy-fire-wall of the Spirit of God, and the sacraments which “disinfect” us from the demonic viruses and from the results of our own errors and sins.

There’s an ingenious device on today’s computers called “System Restore.” It’s sort of a time machine, which only travels backwards. When you do something really stupid, or some program has malfunctioned and your computer is in its death throes, you can, if you’re able to sneak back in through “safe mode,” go back in time. You set the system restore to, say, yesterday’s date, before the disaster happened, and it will reset your computer to whatever its configurations were at that time. Then, if all goes well, all the disasters of today will disappear, for the computer has been restored to its former good functionality. It’s like the crash never happened.

Oh, would that we could perform a “system restore” on our souls! Set it back to the time before your last (or first) grievous sin! Make your soul as if all that stuff never happened! Well, we do have something like that. It’s called absolution. We also have Holy Communion, which itself is a great system restore. Actually, the perfect one would be an adult baptism—that clears every error your computer (soul) has ever made, and restores the image of God perfectly! On psychological and emotional levels, however, it still won’t be as if nothing ever happened, for we will still carry some scars and memories. But the point is, our souls don’t have to “crash,” we don’t have to be stuck with a “fatal system error” that makes it impossible for us to function as children and servants of God.

I was so stressed after all those problems and hours spent on the phone with tech support (hey, your confessor or spiritual father can be your soul’s tech support!), that I actually prayed as I received Communion that this would be a system restore for me. Wash away all the aggravation in that Precious Blood! Let me start fresh and at peace.

You don’t have to (and I don’t recommend it) express your spiritual life in terms of computer technology. But we ought to be able to see the hand of God and learn some spiritual lessons in whatever we do. It’s important that we “maximize the performance” of our souls through continual spiritual growth (upgrades?). For there is a time on God’s “scheduler,” the last event on it, called Judgment Day, when there will be only two functions left for the Master Programmer and Operator to perform: “save” or “delete.” So don’t delay your system restore!

At the End of the Day

I’ve had some rather trying experiences lately in my love/hate relationship with computers.  A few months ago my computer self-destructed, and then I was using an old one that I had as a back-up.  When that showed signs of the same impending fate, I knew it was time to get a new one.  I always do so in fear and trembling, because it is such a tedious and often frustrating task to set up a new computer and load it with the necessary programs, internet connection, and all that.

I unexpectedly woke up way too early the day after I got it, and since I couldn’t return to sleep I thought I might use some time in the wee hours to get the new machine set up.  I had to download an e-mail program (the new version of Windows doesn’t come with one, like all the others did, so you have to get one elsewhere if you want one loaded into your computer).  So I started downloading one with my sloooow and fragile dial-up connection.  It disconnected at least twice in the process, so in the end it took several hours just to download and set up one program.

More programs were added, and I wasn’t sure if some of the old ones would be compatible with the new operating system, but usually if that’s the case there will be an error message saying so.  There wasn’t.  I loaded one program (camera software) very smoothly and all I had to do was restart and everything would be fine.  That’s when the fireworks began.  The computer forgot how to start itself and began to wring its hands (or the electronic equivalent), telling me it will try to repair itself but it just doesn’t know.  Well, it eventually did, doing (without asking me) a system recovery that restored all settings to the original factory ones, which means the program I spent half the morning downloading had disappeared for good, along with all the other changes I had made in the setup process.  (I decided not to re-try the camera software.)

I won’t describe everything that happened that day, but there was one other notable incident (I was trying to find God’s will in this, and praying psalm verses like, “I trusted, even when most I bewailed my unhappy lot”).  I had just bought a printer a few weeks beforehand, when my other one gave up the ghost (when it rains, it pours), and I was hoping that that too would be compatible with the new computer.  It wasn’t.  It refused to let me do the installation.  OK, let’s check for an updated version online, thought I.   Sure enough, there it was, just what I needed, but: 115MB in size, which means about a 12-hour download with my dinosaur connection.  No dice.  So I went back to the store, thinking they must have updated software for their new computers.  They didn’t.  But they graciously offered to download it there and burn it on a disk for me.  Come back in an hour or so, the man said.  Since I had a dentist appointment (bad gums, three cracked teeth, needing at least one crown very soon, but that’s another story), I thought, good, by time I’m done, I’ll go back and pick up the disk, which will be ready by then.  It wasn’t.  I asked for the fellow who promised it to me.  He just left for the day.  No disk set aside, but hey, he was really busy and probably forgot.  The assistant manager gave me some attitude like, what does your problem have to do with me?  But one fellow volunteered: If you’ll wait another hour we’ll do it now.

OK, I thought, there must be some heavy spiritual warfare going on behind the scenes for someone entrusted to my prayers.  Days don’t start at 12:30AM and have everything go wrong in them without a reason.  I was quite frazzled by now, hungry, tired, and sick of the whole business.  So I wandered around, went to the gas station, ate a protein bar, and looked at my watch a lot.  Finally I walked in, probably looking like I meant business, and the fellow said: “It’s just finishing now!”  But then he wandered off and started working with another customer as another quarter hour passed.  Finally I got the stupid disk and went home.  As a consolation prize, the thing did work and I was able to set up the printer.

So I thought to myself: it has been a horrible and exhausting and frustrating day, but at the end of the day, what’s the result?  I did in fact have a new computer, I did manage to set up the printer, load most of the programs, and connect to the internet and set up my browser and e-mail.  Perhaps what we need to look at is how things turn out in the end, and not so much what it took to get there.

That was going to be the end of this post, with a little spiritual reflection.  But the story, unfortunately, was not over so easily.  A couple days later I got a creepy message during startup, like, “We’re checking your file system.  One of your disks needs to be checked for consistency” (whatever that means; I later found out that even the techs at the store never heard that one).  So it went through a long check of files, indexes, and some sort of security thing (I think my computer is spying on me).  Well, I thought, maybe this is just some standard sort of test.  It wasn’t.  A couple days later the screen came up again.  But this time it didn’t do the check.  It just sat there, stuck.  I shut it down and tried again.  Same thing.  I ran the diagnostics.  No help there.  I did a system restore, and it loaded properly.  Once.  Then the ominous screen again.  (I forgot to mention how earnestly I was praying the whole time, hoping the Great Heavenly Computer Repairman would intervene and spare me the loss of so much time and effort.  He didn’t.)  I got the system back to its factory settings and went out the door.

Back to the store, computer in hand.  I guess I had the same look on my face as the last time, because they didn’t even ask why I wanted to return it and didn’t even look in the box to see if a computer was in there.  I went back and let the salesman talk me into a different model, actually a better deal, though inferior on some points to the other one (though it was vastly superior on one point: it worked).  So, back home, starting all over, setting the thing up, loading the programs, doing huge anti-virus updates, etc, losing another whole day, gaining many gray hairs and such a buildup of nervous energy that anyone who touched me probably would have been electrocuted.

At the end of the day, however, I did have a new computer, and it was mostly loaded and almost ready to go.  And a few days into its (hopefully very long) life, it still is working.

I haven’t quite recovered from it all, and I’m taking painkillers for my dental work, and I still have no idea what God means by all this, unless it was all to form me into constantly saying, “I trusted, even when most I bewailed my unhappy lot.”  I wonder what it will be like at the end of the “day” that is our life.  We go through all kinds of confusion, struggles, sufferings, sorrows, and maddening frustrations.   But at the end of the day, if we find ourselves in the Kingdom of Heaven, what does it matter how the day went?  It will all seem quite humorous then, if we remember it at all, and we will have the perspective from which we can see how God is at work in the midst of all our troubles, trying to teach us something about life and faith, and perhaps just making use of our offered sufferings for the good of souls.  That’s up to Him.  We just have to trust Him and remember that the day will eventually come to an end.  If we have been faithful (even though a bit rattled), and if we turned to Him in our need, even if we didn’t receive the instant help we begged for, placing it all before Him, perhaps with a sigh, but at least knowing He is our only hope, we’ll arrive safely in the end.  And the end of the day will be the beginning of a new and joyful, unending life, where there is no anxiety or frustration—probably because there will be no computers!