There’s a story from the Desert Fathers that I found rather helpful, and you may too, if you sometimes get bogged down in the daily round of activities and perhaps think your life is monotonous or going nowhere. The Christian life requires steadfast fidelity, which is not always easy to maintain, but it is always worthwhile.
The story is about an old monk who dwelled in the desert for a very long time, living in poverty and prayer. The nearest water source was several miles away, and he had to walk there every day to get
sufficient water to live on. Every day, year after year, decade after decade. Finally, he began to wear out. Each day was just like the one before it, so the strain and the routine became increasingly wearisome. Walking miles every day for water became a symbol of his weariness, and he started thinking about giving up his life of serving God in the desert.
Finally, on one of his long, exhausting walks to fetch water, he stopped and said to himself: “What need is there for me to endure this toil? I shall come and live near the water.” Having said that, he turned around and noticed that someone was following him. The old monk asked who he was. He replied: “I am an angel of the Lord, and I am sent to count your footprints and give you your reward.” Hearing this, the old monk’s heart was strengthened—and he moved his cell still farther from the water.
I found this story in a somewhat unlikely place: a book entitled, The Examen Prayer: Ignatian Wisdom for our Lives Today, by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV. I rarely read books on Ignatian spirituality, but this was recommended by my confessor, so I thought I’d give it a try. I’ll say a bit more about it shortly, but first, the author’s comments on the above story:
“In the end, it all comes down to footprints in the sand: day after day, year after year, in the time when our hearts are warm with God’s love and all that is spiritual delights us, and in the times we must plod forward faithfully under the burning sun and across the miles that seem to stretch endlessly before us, knowing that God sees and loves each footprint of our fidelity. And the energy that impels us forward on that journey is always the same: ‘We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us’ (1John 4:16).” [emphasis in the original]
Our lives may seem at times to be a long trek to nowhere, doing the same things every day and not seeming to get anywhere or discover anything new or find the kind of happiness we used to dream of. But we don’t notice the angel following us, counting our footprints, that is, taking note of our perseverance in daily faithfulness, our accepting what life brings and carrying our crosses, doing what we know to be right, even if our spiritual life sometimes seems like a mouthful of gravel. And God who sees in secret, says Jesus, will reward us—for “each footprint of our fidelity.”
This present life isn’t really about being “happy,” at least on our own terms, though the word of God frequently enjoins us to rejoice. Happiness—the full, unmitigated, unassailable, undiminishable, everlasting variety—is reserved for the life to come, for those who in this life walk patiently the burning sands of fidelity to God’s will in a spirit of prayer and fortitude and hope. To be sure, God will provide oases as He sees we need them, but we’re not supposed to try to “move nearer to the water,” that is, to make life easier for ourselves by giving up the God-pleasing struggle over the long haul.
The Examen Prayer is supposed to help with that. I have for many years done an examination of conscience at the end of the day, with rather limited fruitfulness, I confess. But Fr Gallagher’s book shows that the Ignatian examen is meant to be more than that. It is meant to help discern the presence of the Lord and his will during the day (St Ignatius’ custom was to do it every hour to see if he was pleasing the Lord through the day), to notice his gifts and give thanks, to try to see things as the Lord does and thus learn the lessons He wants us to, and to see where we’ve strayed and need forgiveness. Then we look at the coming day and think about how we can serve more faithfully. I think it has potential for making our spiritual lives more of an ongoing dialogue with the Lord in love (receiving and giving), which will make each day seem less a wearying walk than a hopeful pilgrimage. In any case, life will unavoidably have its low points and discouragements and burdens—and even crushing disappointments or tragedies—and you may be tempted to give up, cease to serve the Lord, or simply descend into self-pity.
But don’t forget about that angel who is sent to count your footprints…
